“Hey Jill, I’m sorry to do this, but I have a business degree and I’m a terrible writer. Fortunately, this situation can be improved if you ask a white person to proof read your work before you send it out. They will judge you and make a general assessment about your intelligence after the first infraction. Though they reserve the harshest judgment for professional, do not assume that white people will cast a blind eye to your grammar mistakes in email and official documents. If a white person were to catch a mistake in The New Yorker, it would be a sufficient reason for a large party. The more respected the publication, the greater the thrill. Finding one allows a white person to believe that they are better than the writer and the publication since they would have caught the mistake. In fact, one of the greatest joys a white person can experience is to catch a grammar mistake in a major publication. This is seen as more productive and forward thinking than simply stating your anger at the improper use of “it’s.Īnother important thing to know is that when white people read magazines and books they are always looking for grammar and spelling mistakes. If you wish to gain the respect of a white person, it’s probably a good idea that you find an obscure and debated grammar rule such as the “ Oxford Comma” and take a firm stance on what you believe is correct. When asking someone about their biggest annoyances in life, you might expect responses like “hunger,” “being poor,” or “getting shot.” If you ask a white person, the most common response will likely be “people who use ‘their’ when they mean ‘there.’ Maybe comma splices, I’m not sure but it’s definitely one of the two.” It is in their blood not only to use perfect grammar but also to spend significant portions of time pointing out the errors of others. But without a doubt, the rule system that white people love the most is grammar. It explains why so they get upset when people cut in line, why they tip so religiously and why they become lawyers.
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